Experience teaches us in a millenium what passion teaches us in an hour.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Split Mind
I had a mini-hiatus from my blog, mainly because it's the usual end-of-year craze, heightened by it being the end-of-NEC craze as well, for me...but also because Blogger has a new layout, and I actually could not figure out how to make a new post for a couple days.
In any case, here's Middlemarch Quotes #4 and 5:
Any one watching keenly the stealthy convergence of human lots, sees a slow preparation of effects from one life on another, which tells like a calculated irony on the indifference or the frozen stare with which we look at our unintroduced neighbor. Destiny stands by sarcastic with our dramatis personae folded in her hand.
Strange, that some of us, with quick alternate vision, see beyond our infatuations, and even while we rave on the heights, behold the wide plain where our persistent self pauses and awaits us.
It's a testament to how amazing this book is, that it keeps lining up so beautifully with the events of my life, or the series of emotions I experience from day to day.
Often I feel that in my head, there are two Jennifers--one who is self-preserving and who, above all else, avoids regrets...and the other, perhaps more immature version, who sort of runs free in an idealistic, whimsical dreamland. Usually, these two characters are able to compromise and coexist as one unit, so that I remain a somewhat sane/rational human being. But particularly when I encounter the larger turning points of my life, the Sensible and the Wishful in me drift further and further apart. Picture a person walking his dog, and the dog wandering off once in a while in pursuit of a momentary distraction, having to be called back to his master on the straight, safe path. That is sort of the relationship between Wishful Jennifer and Sensible Jennifer, respectively.
Irony can be an overmentioned cliche, but cliches are what they are for a reason. I keep learning how important it is to keep an open mind, because you truly never know what unexpected thing or person from the past will come back to surprise you. As Eliot mentions, any previous indifference or dismissal can turn into something integral--and vice versa. All the while, the bigger road map of our lives unfolds piece by piece.
Sensible Jennifer takes it all in, maintaining that no matter what, everything happens for a reason, and it is all for the best, because I DO believe this. I feel that, in the best and worst of times, we as humans can never claim to wholly understand the events of our lives, nor predict what will happen next. I trust that I am in good hands, and I strive to remember this unconditional belief. Wishful Jennifer, on the other hand, runs amok (took me five tries to spell that word) of her own volition. She peeks around all the corners of What If's, dips her toes into dangerous pools of Should I Have's...she's like the little kid who is scared of a horror movie on TV but can't tear her eyes away... Often before something big, Wishful Jennifer breaks free once in a while to frolic down that (fourth? fifth?) dimension, where all the paths of possibility are before us. Sensible Jennifer yanks the Wishful back, saying sternly, "Just concentrate on doing your best, because you can't control the results, and you don't want to disappoint yourself or psyche yourself out by overthinking."
This also happens AFTER something big, where Wishful Jennifer again succumbs to doubt, and Sensible Jennifer must say, "Hey settle down, you made the right choice."
So this is where my mind is at these days, a constant tug-of-war/goose-chase. If you see me staring off into space with a dazed glaze in my eyes, you'll know what's going on.
In any case, here's Middlemarch Quotes #4 and 5:
Any one watching keenly the stealthy convergence of human lots, sees a slow preparation of effects from one life on another, which tells like a calculated irony on the indifference or the frozen stare with which we look at our unintroduced neighbor. Destiny stands by sarcastic with our dramatis personae folded in her hand.
Strange, that some of us, with quick alternate vision, see beyond our infatuations, and even while we rave on the heights, behold the wide plain where our persistent self pauses and awaits us.
It's a testament to how amazing this book is, that it keeps lining up so beautifully with the events of my life, or the series of emotions I experience from day to day.
Often I feel that in my head, there are two Jennifers--one who is self-preserving and who, above all else, avoids regrets...and the other, perhaps more immature version, who sort of runs free in an idealistic, whimsical dreamland. Usually, these two characters are able to compromise and coexist as one unit, so that I remain a somewhat sane/rational human being. But particularly when I encounter the larger turning points of my life, the Sensible and the Wishful in me drift further and further apart. Picture a person walking his dog, and the dog wandering off once in a while in pursuit of a momentary distraction, having to be called back to his master on the straight, safe path. That is sort of the relationship between Wishful Jennifer and Sensible Jennifer, respectively.
Irony can be an overmentioned cliche, but cliches are what they are for a reason. I keep learning how important it is to keep an open mind, because you truly never know what unexpected thing or person from the past will come back to surprise you. As Eliot mentions, any previous indifference or dismissal can turn into something integral--and vice versa. All the while, the bigger road map of our lives unfolds piece by piece.
Sensible Jennifer takes it all in, maintaining that no matter what, everything happens for a reason, and it is all for the best, because I DO believe this. I feel that, in the best and worst of times, we as humans can never claim to wholly understand the events of our lives, nor predict what will happen next. I trust that I am in good hands, and I strive to remember this unconditional belief. Wishful Jennifer, on the other hand, runs amok (took me five tries to spell that word) of her own volition. She peeks around all the corners of What If's, dips her toes into dangerous pools of Should I Have's...she's like the little kid who is scared of a horror movie on TV but can't tear her eyes away... Often before something big, Wishful Jennifer breaks free once in a while to frolic down that (fourth? fifth?) dimension, where all the paths of possibility are before us. Sensible Jennifer yanks the Wishful back, saying sternly, "Just concentrate on doing your best, because you can't control the results, and you don't want to disappoint yourself or psyche yourself out by overthinking."
This also happens AFTER something big, where Wishful Jennifer again succumbs to doubt, and Sensible Jennifer must say, "Hey settle down, you made the right choice."
So this is where my mind is at these days, a constant tug-of-war/goose-chase. If you see me staring off into space with a dazed glaze in my eyes, you'll know what's going on.
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