You know how, if you overdose on a certain TV show, you start thinking in the voice of the characters? (E.g. When I watch an excessive amount of Friends, I develop an incessantly sarcastic voice in my head that makes side comments to everything, the way Chandler does. If I watch a lot of Family Guy, I start thinking in Stewie's British accent.)
Well, last week I was in a Brahms mood, listening to stuff by Brahms on shuffle every day, practically non-stop. Not only did coherent thoughts with words vanish completely from my mind, to be replaced by occasional bursts of vibrato-infused melodies, but also I developed some unusual urges...
1) To romp about the countryside with my violin, playing devilish gypsy music and emitting occasional high-pitched whoops.
2) To stand in the middle of my backyard with the California sun shining down, hold out my arms, and proclaim, "How lovely is thy dwelling place!" (I declared this to my mom the other day when we were sitting in the living room, but she just gave me a funny look and left the room.)
3) To give big warm hugs to everyone I meet on the street.
4) To continue consuming food at an alarmingly uncontrollable rate until I am a big beefy man with a generous beard and sausage fingers.
5) To walk in hemiola rhythms.
6) To dash Sound-of-Music-style up a lush green hill, heart fluttering with expansive joy, sing a gorgeous tune, and then abruptly lock myself in the privacy of my room and shed quiet tears over unrequited love.
I think it's time for me to listen to a different composer now.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
What Makes an Audition?
Sorry for another mini-hiatus, but I've been at Tanglewood for the past four weeks, an excuse which I think requires no further explanation.
I've been wanting to write an entry about auditions for a while, ever since I miraculously/somehow/finally won one. People say that failures are only when you don't learn from your mistakes; I'd add to that by saying that successes are only when you learn HOW you got there, rather than blindly accepting good fortune or attributing the whole accomplishment to natural talent.
[ A precursor about orchestra auditions for non-musicians (if you already know a lot or too much about orchestra auditions, skip this paragraph): To land an orchestra job, one first sends a resume to whatever symphony has an opening. Openings are rare and unpredictable, and usually occur when a current member of the orchestra leaves or has gotten super old and decides to retire. If personnel deems your resume sufficiently legit, they invite you to a live audition or ask you to send a recording. The recording process SUCKS. You have to tape yourself playing several sections of various pieces without editing, and the goal is usually technical precision. Since the judges listen to you through a machine, musicality beyond general good taste is hard to tell...intonation/rhythm on the other hand is objective. For live auditions, you arrange your own transportation to the home of the orchestra, usually a major city. There are preliminary, semi-final, final rounds, and occasionally a final-final round. I'm used to seeing 150-ish applicants show up at prelims, and then around twenty for semis, but it varies depending on the job, instrument etc. Most (if not all) the rounds are held behind a screen, so the judges have no idea who you are, what you look like, and what kind of experience you (don't) have. The judging committee is made up of members of that orchestra. Each round lasts anywhere from 5-15 minutes, I'd say. You are asked to play a variety of things...short snippets from concertos and symphonic works. Afterwards, the judges vote on whether to advance you to the next round, and then you are informed by a proctor, usually in the presence of other applicants, which can be very awkward. If you are able to jump through the hoops and over the hurdles, you emerge as the "winner", and you get to deal with trial, probation, and other equally scary tasks. ]
My first memory of auditions is from youth orchestra in San Francisco. This is embarrassing to admit, but I actually took those auditions more seriously than my eventual job auditions. I think it's because if a job audition doesn't go well, there are no long-term consequences...I just keep trying. But if my youth orchestra audition didn't go well, I'd have to deal with the SHAME of sitting in a "bad" seat for the whole year. I remember actually crying after a couple auditions. But I am so lucky, because I learned very early on how to practice specifically for auditions and excerpts. With all due respect to what M. Lowe says, I still believe preparing for excerpts is different than preparing for solo pieces. It doesn't mean one process is more passionate or inspired than the other...the context is simply completely different. As a thirteen-year-old, I learned to play my excerpts along with CD recordings...you just wouldn't do that for your concerto, would you?
At NEC, I took orchestral excerpt class in my sophomore year, because it seemed interesting. For the course final, we had to play some concertmaster solos on the stage of Symphony Hall. I genuinely loved those excerpts, so I think I did okay. Afterwards the teacher took me aside and told me that I should start taking job auditions. I was so stunned and excited that I immediately began looking for opportunities, and I took my first real audition a couple months later.
I've taken six professional orchestra auditions so far, which is nice, because six is my lucky number. I keep a journal of basically everything that happens, so I sometimes flip back to certain audition entries and read them over to remember the lessons I learned. (It's also kind of entertaining in retrospect, how dramatic each audition felt.)
In the first audition, I learned how different it feels to play behind a screen. I realized how much I relied on the visual aspect of playing, and that I should take that energy and focus it on pure sound instead. I was so freaked out by the notion of playing for people I couldn't see, who were evaluating me from behind a curtain, that I completely could not concentrate. The overall conclusion was that I needed to be ten times more prepared, to compensate for all that weirdness, awkwardness, and unpredictability.
Thus, preparation for my second audition was the most I've ever practiced in my life. I think the lessons I learned here were more emotional than purely musical, since it was such a significant ordeal. I learned what it's like to have countless hours of countless days of obsession and devotion condensed into ten minutes, and at the whim of one or two judges, dismissed. I learned how to accept this as fair and move on. I learned the importance of sound quality. Most importantly, I learned to accept the level I was at, a level that simply wasn't all there yet. There was no need for me to force myself into the shoes of someone more advanced, or to impose unreasonably high expectations upon myself.
The third audition was really weird because, although it was the first time I felt fairly comfortable playing behind the screen, I was so physically wrought during the waiting process that I was shaking pretty violently throughout the whole day. I missed a couple notes during the second round, which probably eliminated me. Who knows, though. I learned that one should ALWAYS ask for comments from the judges, and ALWAYS check a proper edition of the score, so there aren't nasty surprises in the warm-up room when scanning through an official version of your excerpts. I also discovered the joy of failing, because it gives you another chance to try again. That night, I wrote the following:
The ride back was like a blur of tiredness and bleakness, but somewhere in there I also summoned up this random and deep joy that no matter what, I am still so privileged and happy to have these opportunities as a musician, to try and play wonderful works on a beautiful stage, to strive for a life in music. And the ultimate triumph in an audition (besides for actually getting a job, I suppose) is finding the excitement and willingness and joy to TRY AGAIN!
The fourth audition was over a span of two days, and on the second day I used beta-blockers. I learned that they have no effect on me whatsoever...if anything, they hinder me, because I feel guilty and uncomfortable the whole time.
The fifth audition was the first and only time I ever cried after an audition (besides in pre-college days). It was because I actually thought I'd played well enough to get it, but then I didn't. I learned to pay attention to how things went from an outsider's perspective, rather than how I personally felt it had gone. Sometimes, an audition feels good, but in reality it doesn't sound good from outside your own personal bubble. Like Stephane Deneve says, you have to "grow a pair of giant ears." After that audition, I sat on a bench outside, called S, and proceeded to sob like a baby. It was embarrassing. I almost cancelled my next audition, because I really felt there was no hope. But I didn't, because the deposit fee deadline was over, and I was too cheap to waste a hundred bucks.
Two and a half weeks later was Detroit.
I don't know what I did differently in preparation...I didn't practice more than usual or try any weird techniques like meditating. Something very important did finally register in my head--I figured out what I do when I get nervous, and I figured out how to AVOID doing it. It sounds so simple duh, but for slow people like me, it takes a while... The key thing I remember from those four audition rounds is that each one got a little better (except the very last one, because at that point I knew I had already gotten in the orchestra, so I was just having fun, and it was certainly not my best). Also, I was focused on listening to myself in the moment while I played, as if I were behind the screen with the audition committee. That was helpful, because when I walked off the stage, I wasn't like, "OH MY GOSH WHAT JUST HAPPENED," but rather, "I know what I did well, and what I did poorly. If I pass, it'll be because of a, b, and c. If I don't pass, it'll be because of d, e, and f."
Auditions are complicated and bizarre and perplexing. I think the audition winner is rarely the "best" applicant, but rather the person who happens to do the right things at the right time, in front of the right people. There are a bunch of inspirational stories about those who failed a hundred times before succeeding...Einstein, Christina Aguilera, Bill Gates, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, J.K. Rowling...the list goes on and on and irritatingly on. Yeah, those stories are great, and the same thing certainly could happen to you--but you know what stories aren't great? The ones where people fail and never end up succeeding, even though they also keep trying. Those stories are rarely ever told. When I didn't get good results, people reminded me of inspiring stories, encouraging me to stay positive and have faith. And I would secretly think, "But how do I know if I'm not one of the majority whose failures don't ultimately turn into successes?" How do you know when to quit, and when to keep trying? I think it's the point when you realize that trying again is bringing you down instead of up. It's the moment when you're getting out your old and battered excerpt book for the umpteenth time, looking Don Juan square in the high D, and suddenly it dawns on you--I don't like what I'm doing. This isn't exciting. This isn't inspiring.
That's never happened to me, honestly. Of course Don Juan isn't my favorite thing to play. But every time I dig it out again, a tiny part of me (even if it's just 1% or 0.003%) is eager to do it better than before. I guess if continuing to improve brings you joy, and you are at a point in your life where it's reasonable to keep trying, then you should.
Lastly: This may sound weird, but the terrifying unpredictability of auditions and being a music major in general actually made me less stressed at times, because it really led me to put everything in God's hands. The more unpredictable your field is, the less control you realize you have. After that fifth and saddest audition, I started looking at different career paths I could pursue. Musicology? Phd? I prayed, "If it's right for me to play in an orchestra, please give me a sign this next year. Otherwise I'll accept that I should try another path." That sign came way sooner than I expected.
Whenever I get nervous playing violin, whether it be walking into an audition, attempting an elusive octave, or willing my bow not to shake, I try to remember the verse, "Be strong and courageous for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." I'm not saying that by thinking this, I then am able to play perfectly. Sometimes I think this verse, feel better, and then a truly disastrous sound comes out of my instrument. So what? We don't praise the Lord so that we'll get good results; we praise Him because it's true.
I've been wanting to write an entry about auditions for a while, ever since I miraculously/somehow/finally won one. People say that failures are only when you don't learn from your mistakes; I'd add to that by saying that successes are only when you learn HOW you got there, rather than blindly accepting good fortune or attributing the whole accomplishment to natural talent.
[ A precursor about orchestra auditions for non-musicians (if you already know a lot or too much about orchestra auditions, skip this paragraph): To land an orchestra job, one first sends a resume to whatever symphony has an opening. Openings are rare and unpredictable, and usually occur when a current member of the orchestra leaves or has gotten super old and decides to retire. If personnel deems your resume sufficiently legit, they invite you to a live audition or ask you to send a recording. The recording process SUCKS. You have to tape yourself playing several sections of various pieces without editing, and the goal is usually technical precision. Since the judges listen to you through a machine, musicality beyond general good taste is hard to tell...intonation/rhythm on the other hand is objective. For live auditions, you arrange your own transportation to the home of the orchestra, usually a major city. There are preliminary, semi-final, final rounds, and occasionally a final-final round. I'm used to seeing 150-ish applicants show up at prelims, and then around twenty for semis, but it varies depending on the job, instrument etc. Most (if not all) the rounds are held behind a screen, so the judges have no idea who you are, what you look like, and what kind of experience you (don't) have. The judging committee is made up of members of that orchestra. Each round lasts anywhere from 5-15 minutes, I'd say. You are asked to play a variety of things...short snippets from concertos and symphonic works. Afterwards, the judges vote on whether to advance you to the next round, and then you are informed by a proctor, usually in the presence of other applicants, which can be very awkward. If you are able to jump through the hoops and over the hurdles, you emerge as the "winner", and you get to deal with trial, probation, and other equally scary tasks. ]
My first memory of auditions is from youth orchestra in San Francisco. This is embarrassing to admit, but I actually took those auditions more seriously than my eventual job auditions. I think it's because if a job audition doesn't go well, there are no long-term consequences...I just keep trying. But if my youth orchestra audition didn't go well, I'd have to deal with the SHAME of sitting in a "bad" seat for the whole year. I remember actually crying after a couple auditions. But I am so lucky, because I learned very early on how to practice specifically for auditions and excerpts. With all due respect to what M. Lowe says, I still believe preparing for excerpts is different than preparing for solo pieces. It doesn't mean one process is more passionate or inspired than the other...the context is simply completely different. As a thirteen-year-old, I learned to play my excerpts along with CD recordings...you just wouldn't do that for your concerto, would you?
At NEC, I took orchestral excerpt class in my sophomore year, because it seemed interesting. For the course final, we had to play some concertmaster solos on the stage of Symphony Hall. I genuinely loved those excerpts, so I think I did okay. Afterwards the teacher took me aside and told me that I should start taking job auditions. I was so stunned and excited that I immediately began looking for opportunities, and I took my first real audition a couple months later.
I've taken six professional orchestra auditions so far, which is nice, because six is my lucky number. I keep a journal of basically everything that happens, so I sometimes flip back to certain audition entries and read them over to remember the lessons I learned. (It's also kind of entertaining in retrospect, how dramatic each audition felt.)
In the first audition, I learned how different it feels to play behind a screen. I realized how much I relied on the visual aspect of playing, and that I should take that energy and focus it on pure sound instead. I was so freaked out by the notion of playing for people I couldn't see, who were evaluating me from behind a curtain, that I completely could not concentrate. The overall conclusion was that I needed to be ten times more prepared, to compensate for all that weirdness, awkwardness, and unpredictability.
Thus, preparation for my second audition was the most I've ever practiced in my life. I think the lessons I learned here were more emotional than purely musical, since it was such a significant ordeal. I learned what it's like to have countless hours of countless days of obsession and devotion condensed into ten minutes, and at the whim of one or two judges, dismissed. I learned how to accept this as fair and move on. I learned the importance of sound quality. Most importantly, I learned to accept the level I was at, a level that simply wasn't all there yet. There was no need for me to force myself into the shoes of someone more advanced, or to impose unreasonably high expectations upon myself.
The third audition was really weird because, although it was the first time I felt fairly comfortable playing behind the screen, I was so physically wrought during the waiting process that I was shaking pretty violently throughout the whole day. I missed a couple notes during the second round, which probably eliminated me. Who knows, though. I learned that one should ALWAYS ask for comments from the judges, and ALWAYS check a proper edition of the score, so there aren't nasty surprises in the warm-up room when scanning through an official version of your excerpts. I also discovered the joy of failing, because it gives you another chance to try again. That night, I wrote the following:
The ride back was like a blur of tiredness and bleakness, but somewhere in there I also summoned up this random and deep joy that no matter what, I am still so privileged and happy to have these opportunities as a musician, to try and play wonderful works on a beautiful stage, to strive for a life in music. And the ultimate triumph in an audition (besides for actually getting a job, I suppose) is finding the excitement and willingness and joy to TRY AGAIN!
The fourth audition was over a span of two days, and on the second day I used beta-blockers. I learned that they have no effect on me whatsoever...if anything, they hinder me, because I feel guilty and uncomfortable the whole time.
The fifth audition was the first and only time I ever cried after an audition (besides in pre-college days). It was because I actually thought I'd played well enough to get it, but then I didn't. I learned to pay attention to how things went from an outsider's perspective, rather than how I personally felt it had gone. Sometimes, an audition feels good, but in reality it doesn't sound good from outside your own personal bubble. Like Stephane Deneve says, you have to "grow a pair of giant ears." After that audition, I sat on a bench outside, called S, and proceeded to sob like a baby. It was embarrassing. I almost cancelled my next audition, because I really felt there was no hope. But I didn't, because the deposit fee deadline was over, and I was too cheap to waste a hundred bucks.
Two and a half weeks later was Detroit.
I don't know what I did differently in preparation...I didn't practice more than usual or try any weird techniques like meditating. Something very important did finally register in my head--I figured out what I do when I get nervous, and I figured out how to AVOID doing it. It sounds so simple duh, but for slow people like me, it takes a while... The key thing I remember from those four audition rounds is that each one got a little better (except the very last one, because at that point I knew I had already gotten in the orchestra, so I was just having fun, and it was certainly not my best). Also, I was focused on listening to myself in the moment while I played, as if I were behind the screen with the audition committee. That was helpful, because when I walked off the stage, I wasn't like, "OH MY GOSH WHAT JUST HAPPENED," but rather, "I know what I did well, and what I did poorly. If I pass, it'll be because of a, b, and c. If I don't pass, it'll be because of d, e, and f."
Auditions are complicated and bizarre and perplexing. I think the audition winner is rarely the "best" applicant, but rather the person who happens to do the right things at the right time, in front of the right people. There are a bunch of inspirational stories about those who failed a hundred times before succeeding...Einstein, Christina Aguilera, Bill Gates, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, J.K. Rowling...the list goes on and on and irritatingly on. Yeah, those stories are great, and the same thing certainly could happen to you--but you know what stories aren't great? The ones where people fail and never end up succeeding, even though they also keep trying. Those stories are rarely ever told. When I didn't get good results, people reminded me of inspiring stories, encouraging me to stay positive and have faith. And I would secretly think, "But how do I know if I'm not one of the majority whose failures don't ultimately turn into successes?" How do you know when to quit, and when to keep trying? I think it's the point when you realize that trying again is bringing you down instead of up. It's the moment when you're getting out your old and battered excerpt book for the umpteenth time, looking Don Juan square in the high D, and suddenly it dawns on you--I don't like what I'm doing. This isn't exciting. This isn't inspiring.
That's never happened to me, honestly. Of course Don Juan isn't my favorite thing to play. But every time I dig it out again, a tiny part of me (even if it's just 1% or 0.003%) is eager to do it better than before. I guess if continuing to improve brings you joy, and you are at a point in your life where it's reasonable to keep trying, then you should.
Lastly: This may sound weird, but the terrifying unpredictability of auditions and being a music major in general actually made me less stressed at times, because it really led me to put everything in God's hands. The more unpredictable your field is, the less control you realize you have. After that fifth and saddest audition, I started looking at different career paths I could pursue. Musicology? Phd? I prayed, "If it's right for me to play in an orchestra, please give me a sign this next year. Otherwise I'll accept that I should try another path." That sign came way sooner than I expected.
Whenever I get nervous playing violin, whether it be walking into an audition, attempting an elusive octave, or willing my bow not to shake, I try to remember the verse, "Be strong and courageous for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." I'm not saying that by thinking this, I then am able to play perfectly. Sometimes I think this verse, feel better, and then a truly disastrous sound comes out of my instrument. So what? We don't praise the Lord so that we'll get good results; we praise Him because it's true.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Southwest
I've been a faithful customer of Southwest for over a year now, and have flown on their airlines at least five times without a problem. They treat instruments and instrumentalists with respect, they hand out ample snacks and drinks free of charge, and allow two free checked bags. But just when I thought I had finally found a trustworthy airline...
On Friday, I flew from Detroit to Las Vegas, and then Las Vegas to San Jose. The first flight was fine, and the second flight started out fine. I was pretty happy, besides for being extremely hot from wearing a sweatshirt and sweats in Vegas weather. I fell asleep as we made our ascent, but woke up thirty minutes later drenched in sweat. My ears were popping every few seconds, which is not an usual occurrence. The plane was really turbulent and scary, but nobody on the plane was making a sound. All of a sudden, the pilot's voice came over the intercom, announcing that there was a pressurization problem with the aircraft, and we had to turn around and go back to Vegas as quickly as possible, for safety reasons.
Immediately, people began panicking. The guy next to me threw up in his barf bag, an old lady in front of me threw up as well, a lady behind me continually pressed her help button...even the airline attendants seemed frightened. They told the complaining lady, "Just plug your ears and keep opening your mouth!" and frantically darted back to the front of the plane. The first thought that went through my head was, "Fantastic, I just got a job, and now I'm going to die." (This is what employment obsession does to you.) My heart was pounding, and I was opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish. The air seemed to be getting thinner, and the cabin was burning. It also didn't help that the plane was experiencing pretty bad turbulence. The pilot later told us that we almost had to use the yellow oxygen masks above our heads. However, after a terrifying thirty minutes of rapid temperature and altitude changes, we were returned to land with a hearty bump.
About an hour later, we boarded a different aircraft. For the first time in my life, as the airline attendants were giving the safety precautions on how to use life vests in case of an emergency, the whole plane was so silent with rapt attention, you could have heard a pin drop.
On Friday, I flew from Detroit to Las Vegas, and then Las Vegas to San Jose. The first flight was fine, and the second flight started out fine. I was pretty happy, besides for being extremely hot from wearing a sweatshirt and sweats in Vegas weather. I fell asleep as we made our ascent, but woke up thirty minutes later drenched in sweat. My ears were popping every few seconds, which is not an usual occurrence. The plane was really turbulent and scary, but nobody on the plane was making a sound. All of a sudden, the pilot's voice came over the intercom, announcing that there was a pressurization problem with the aircraft, and we had to turn around and go back to Vegas as quickly as possible, for safety reasons.
Immediately, people began panicking. The guy next to me threw up in his barf bag, an old lady in front of me threw up as well, a lady behind me continually pressed her help button...even the airline attendants seemed frightened. They told the complaining lady, "Just plug your ears and keep opening your mouth!" and frantically darted back to the front of the plane. The first thought that went through my head was, "Fantastic, I just got a job, and now I'm going to die." (This is what employment obsession does to you.) My heart was pounding, and I was opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish. The air seemed to be getting thinner, and the cabin was burning. It also didn't help that the plane was experiencing pretty bad turbulence. The pilot later told us that we almost had to use the yellow oxygen masks above our heads. However, after a terrifying thirty minutes of rapid temperature and altitude changes, we were returned to land with a hearty bump.
About an hour later, we boarded a different aircraft. For the first time in my life, as the airline attendants were giving the safety precautions on how to use life vests in case of an emergency, the whole plane was so silent with rapt attention, you could have heard a pin drop.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Top 5 Favorite Books
Today, A asked me what my top 5 favorite books are, and it turned out to be a really difficult question to answer. I immediately listed the no-brainers, Les Miserables and Middlemarch, but it took deep contemplation throughout the rest of the day to come up with the others. Now I can say with certainty that my top 3 are definitely:
1) Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
2) Middlemarch by George Eliot
3) In Memoriam A.H.H. by Tennyson
By the way, this list excludes The Bible, as well as obvious favorites from my "youth" like Harry Potter, Lemony Snicket, Calvin and Hobbes etc. which are of course ingenious, but belong to a different category.
I think book-lovers can attest to this--each person's criteria for what makes an All-Time-Favorite Book is a little different. For me, above all else, my morals have to be in line with what the author is trying to convey. It helps a LOT if the characters and writing style are likable, too. Then, there's the initial reaction a book has on me, plus the long-term reaction. Les Mis and Middlemarch are hefty novels, 800+ pages and not what most would call a fast read. Both teach invaluable lessons about the humanity, although in very different ways, and both have a large number of main characters, most of whom I find extremely lovable and admirable. Hugo is French, so I can't say much about his writing style, but I love Eliot's voice and the way she unravels her stories. In Memoriam is a set of poems, which is weird, because I usually don't have the attention span or depth of mind to really appreciate or even understand most poetry. But Tennyson's requiem for his best friend is just unbelievable, and the content totally overshadows the format for me. Family and close friends will back me up when I say that after reading each of these three, I became obsessed and talked about them nonstop for a long long...LONG time. After Tennyson, I marched around the house reciting the poems to whoever would listen. I also gave the book to three different people as birthday presents.
So what about 4 and 5? I'm inclined to say-
4) something by Jane Austen
5) something by Shakespeare
It's kind of embarrassing that I can't name a specific work by either one, and it's not like I'm saying all their works are the same...but it's more that I love the authors more than I love any individual work, if that makes sense. I can't choose a particular Shakespeare play (or sonnet), because it's his output collectively that make him so significant and life-changing to me. I do admit that after a while, some of Jane Austen's novels start to blend together in my easily-confused brain. But I love the atmosphere she creates, the way her characters interact, and how incredibly charming she is.
Close runners up include-
Shorter books: Animal Farm, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Of Mice and Men, and Screwtape Letters. They're little gems, but I'm not sure they are comparable to the likes of what I mentioned before.
The classic, disillusioned-wife-cheats-on-husband books: Bovary, Karenina, and Chatterley, which I really enjoy (for some reason) but can't deem true favorites, because I simply hate the protagonist so much.
Intimidating books: Ayn Rand's Fountainhead and Hardy's Jude the Obscure. Amazingly written, but...a little too heavy for me.
And more recent books: 5 People You Meet In Heaven, The Last Lecture, My Sister's Keeper, and pianist Arthur Schnabel's Music and My Life.
1) Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
2) Middlemarch by George Eliot
3) In Memoriam A.H.H. by Tennyson
By the way, this list excludes The Bible, as well as obvious favorites from my "youth" like Harry Potter, Lemony Snicket, Calvin and Hobbes etc. which are of course ingenious, but belong to a different category.
I think book-lovers can attest to this--each person's criteria for what makes an All-Time-Favorite Book is a little different. For me, above all else, my morals have to be in line with what the author is trying to convey. It helps a LOT if the characters and writing style are likable, too. Then, there's the initial reaction a book has on me, plus the long-term reaction. Les Mis and Middlemarch are hefty novels, 800+ pages and not what most would call a fast read. Both teach invaluable lessons about the humanity, although in very different ways, and both have a large number of main characters, most of whom I find extremely lovable and admirable. Hugo is French, so I can't say much about his writing style, but I love Eliot's voice and the way she unravels her stories. In Memoriam is a set of poems, which is weird, because I usually don't have the attention span or depth of mind to really appreciate or even understand most poetry. But Tennyson's requiem for his best friend is just unbelievable, and the content totally overshadows the format for me. Family and close friends will back me up when I say that after reading each of these three, I became obsessed and talked about them nonstop for a long long...LONG time. After Tennyson, I marched around the house reciting the poems to whoever would listen. I also gave the book to three different people as birthday presents.
So what about 4 and 5? I'm inclined to say-
4) something by Jane Austen
5) something by Shakespeare
It's kind of embarrassing that I can't name a specific work by either one, and it's not like I'm saying all their works are the same...but it's more that I love the authors more than I love any individual work, if that makes sense. I can't choose a particular Shakespeare play (or sonnet), because it's his output collectively that make him so significant and life-changing to me. I do admit that after a while, some of Jane Austen's novels start to blend together in my easily-confused brain. But I love the atmosphere she creates, the way her characters interact, and how incredibly charming she is.
Close runners up include-
Shorter books: Animal Farm, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Of Mice and Men, and Screwtape Letters. They're little gems, but I'm not sure they are comparable to the likes of what I mentioned before.
The classic, disillusioned-wife-cheats-on-husband books: Bovary, Karenina, and Chatterley, which I really enjoy (for some reason) but can't deem true favorites, because I simply hate the protagonist so much.
Intimidating books: Ayn Rand's Fountainhead and Hardy's Jude the Obscure. Amazingly written, but...a little too heavy for me.
And more recent books: 5 People You Meet In Heaven, The Last Lecture, My Sister's Keeper, and pianist Arthur Schnabel's Music and My Life.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Mother's Day
It was a successful Mother's Day this year! First of all, the Warriors won Game 4 against the Spurs, which in itself guarantees a good day in my book. I mean, I cheer with great exuberance for anyone who beats the Spurs. But the Warriors have been so inspiring especially lately, from David Lee's courageous minutes despite his injury, to Harrison Barnes who is only 20 years old (!!!), to the raw talent of Steph Curry and Klay Thompson. I really hope they get to the finals. (That being said, OKC is breaking my heart! What is happening???)
Meanwhile, customary Mother's Day festivities were in order, starting from the morning when my sister and I lugged ourselves out of bed way too early to make my mom's breakfast of fruits galore, a spinach cheese omelet, random nuts/cereal, and coffee. Then we headed to church, where there were four testimonies given in honor of this day. The first aww-moment was when I heard a little girl talking to her friend's mom, saying, "I'm sooo excited for when we go home, because my cousins and I have this whole program planned out for my mom" etc. etc. It made me think that, yes, Mother's Day (along with Valentine's Day) can be one of the most irritatingly commercialized holidays, with the bombardment of flowers, chocolates, and ads that make you feel guilty for not hopping straight to a store and spoiling your loved one with tons of jewelry and desserts. But looking past that, something I do love about this day is how it introduces kids to the sheer joy and excitement one feels when making someone ELSE happy. Selfless happiness is just a good feeling to experience early on, I think.
My dad was one of the people to give testimonies, and since I'd spent the previous night and morning listening to him practice over and over, I was definitely quite nervous for him, reciting his speech right there with him (in my head). He did a great job, although I must say that I don't think I've ever met someone who speaks as slowly as he does. Nevertheless, it was touching and an admirable feat.
Another person who gave a testimony said two things that really stuck in my mind. The first thing was that most of the time, when we try to do our own thing and our parents disagree, it's not so much that they don't have faith in US and OUR abilities, but that they don't have faith in the world around us, the circumstances in which we may unwittingly find ourselves. I can definitely recall times when my parents were against a decision I made. In retrospect, I now believe they were more afraid about the environment around me than any mistake I might make. It seems obvious now, but whenever we are at odds, I manage to forget this simple truth.
The second thing this person said was that her mother didn't look at her through the eyes of a regular person, but tried to look at her through the eyes of the Lord. Meaning, her mother didn't judge her or try to control her. Judgement is something I've wondered about for a while. If you know me well, you'll know that a pet peeve of mine is people who want to do things without being judged. I just think that everyone should take responsibility for his/her actions, and if we don't want to be judged for something, we simply shouldn't do it. Everything has consequences, not only for us but also for countless others that we may never know about. We can't put these consequences on hold when we don't feel like being judged. (I'm referring to serious things, not like, "Don't judge me, I'm going to eat three slices of cheese cake.") At the same time, there have been a few times when someone said, "Don't judge me, but--" and I nod sympathetically like, "Okay don't worry, I understand." Maybe it's an automatic reaction, or maybe in that moment I do feel it's an okay exception. To judge, or not to judge... But ultimately the best thing to do is leave the judging up to God. I still believe every action should be judged, but that doesn't mean I'm the one who has the right or ability to BE the judge. Really, the only thing I have considerable insight into is what I do with my life.
The rest of the day was devoted to food! We made my mom a card that said, "Age only matters if you're a cheese." So practically everything we ate was cheese-themed...cheese and crackers, cheese and bread, plus cheese (and chocolate) fondue. It was a lot of fun, and it's nice to have the whole family together again; it's been a while. It's also nice to be blogging again, after an unexpected and embarrassingly drawn-out hiatus, which I will try to justify in my next (?) entry.
Meanwhile, customary Mother's Day festivities were in order, starting from the morning when my sister and I lugged ourselves out of bed way too early to make my mom's breakfast of fruits galore, a spinach cheese omelet, random nuts/cereal, and coffee. Then we headed to church, where there were four testimonies given in honor of this day. The first aww-moment was when I heard a little girl talking to her friend's mom, saying, "I'm sooo excited for when we go home, because my cousins and I have this whole program planned out for my mom" etc. etc. It made me think that, yes, Mother's Day (along with Valentine's Day) can be one of the most irritatingly commercialized holidays, with the bombardment of flowers, chocolates, and ads that make you feel guilty for not hopping straight to a store and spoiling your loved one with tons of jewelry and desserts. But looking past that, something I do love about this day is how it introduces kids to the sheer joy and excitement one feels when making someone ELSE happy. Selfless happiness is just a good feeling to experience early on, I think.
My dad was one of the people to give testimonies, and since I'd spent the previous night and morning listening to him practice over and over, I was definitely quite nervous for him, reciting his speech right there with him (in my head). He did a great job, although I must say that I don't think I've ever met someone who speaks as slowly as he does. Nevertheless, it was touching and an admirable feat.
Another person who gave a testimony said two things that really stuck in my mind. The first thing was that most of the time, when we try to do our own thing and our parents disagree, it's not so much that they don't have faith in US and OUR abilities, but that they don't have faith in the world around us, the circumstances in which we may unwittingly find ourselves. I can definitely recall times when my parents were against a decision I made. In retrospect, I now believe they were more afraid about the environment around me than any mistake I might make. It seems obvious now, but whenever we are at odds, I manage to forget this simple truth.
The second thing this person said was that her mother didn't look at her through the eyes of a regular person, but tried to look at her through the eyes of the Lord. Meaning, her mother didn't judge her or try to control her. Judgement is something I've wondered about for a while. If you know me well, you'll know that a pet peeve of mine is people who want to do things without being judged. I just think that everyone should take responsibility for his/her actions, and if we don't want to be judged for something, we simply shouldn't do it. Everything has consequences, not only for us but also for countless others that we may never know about. We can't put these consequences on hold when we don't feel like being judged. (I'm referring to serious things, not like, "Don't judge me, I'm going to eat three slices of cheese cake.") At the same time, there have been a few times when someone said, "Don't judge me, but--" and I nod sympathetically like, "Okay don't worry, I understand." Maybe it's an automatic reaction, or maybe in that moment I do feel it's an okay exception. To judge, or not to judge... But ultimately the best thing to do is leave the judging up to God. I still believe every action should be judged, but that doesn't mean I'm the one who has the right or ability to BE the judge. Really, the only thing I have considerable insight into is what I do with my life.
The rest of the day was devoted to food! We made my mom a card that said, "Age only matters if you're a cheese." So practically everything we ate was cheese-themed...cheese and crackers, cheese and bread, plus cheese (and chocolate) fondue. It was a lot of fun, and it's nice to have the whole family together again; it's been a while. It's also nice to be blogging again, after an unexpected and embarrassingly drawn-out hiatus, which I will try to justify in my next (?) entry.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Toy Story
Trying to explain to my dad why I was bawling after watching Toy Story 3 for the fourth time-
Me: Well, it's really sad because...well, first of all, the boy Andy--he's the owner of all the toys--is growing up.
Dad: Uh huh...
Me: Well, since he's growing up, he doesn't really play with his toys anymore, so they miss him.
Dad: Okay...
Me: Well, he's also going away to college...so he has to decide which toy to take with him and which toys to leave behind...
Dad: *blank look*
Me: I mean, wasn't it hard for you when you had to decide what stuff to bring to college? Or like when you moved to America?
Dad: I didn't play with toys.
Me: Okay, well weren't you sad when you left home??
Dad: I was sad, yes. But I didn't cry.
-_- Never mind.
Me: Well, it's really sad because...well, first of all, the boy Andy--he's the owner of all the toys--is growing up.
Dad: Uh huh...
Me: Well, since he's growing up, he doesn't really play with his toys anymore, so they miss him.
Dad: Okay...
Me: Well, he's also going away to college...so he has to decide which toy to take with him and which toys to leave behind...
Dad: *blank look*
Me: I mean, wasn't it hard for you when you had to decide what stuff to bring to college? Or like when you moved to America?
Dad: I didn't play with toys.
Me: Okay, well weren't you sad when you left home??
Dad: I was sad, yes. But I didn't cry.
-_- Never mind.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Evolution of Gift-Giving
First, there were the Santa days. To be honest, I believed in Santa for a VERY short amount of time...and during that short time, the idea of him scared me more than anything. One of my earliest memories is staying up on Christmas Eve--hearing a faint thumping from the family room, feeling sure it was Santa, creeping downstairs but then being too petrified to turn the corner and peek. (In retrospect, the thumping was probably my dad banging his leg on a table or something.) Once I entered elementary school, I secretly knew Santa didn't exist, but I pretended to believe in him anyway, so that I'd get an extra present from my parents. :) When my sister got to be a toddler, I took up the role of Santa, picking out special surprise presents, encouraging her to write a note to Santa and then writing a reply (complete with Rudolph's paw print), pretending to eat the cookies, knocking down a few things near the fireplace to add to the authenticity of Santa's visit, and so on. Being Santa was my favorite part of the holidays.
When my sister became a fifth grader, I figured she was too old to believe in Santa. It was for her own good, otherwise she might be teased at school. Besides, the previous year, I'd sort of messed things up...being way too excited about a new stereo we'd bought for her present from Santa, I made a mad dash for the living room while carrying the gigantic wrapped gift. It was so big that it obstructed my vision, and just as she glanced over from the next room, I accidentally ran into a wall and fell over. The next day she still acted surprised and overjoyed when she unwrapped the stereo...but I'm pretty sure she'd figured things out by then.
Then came the time of creative family gifts. I'm not sure how it started, but my sister and I started making a big deal out of our parents' birthdays. The first big surprise was probably when I gave my mom a giant birthday card one year. It was at least half her height and took me several days to make. For my dad's birthday, my sister had the idea of doing a puppet show. We made hand puppets out of paper bags, one puppet representing each member of the family, and we wrote a skit of daily scenes from our lives that highlighted my dad's idiosyncrasies and funny moments. Then we "performed" the puppet show for him on his birthday, from behind the couch of the living room. I don't know if my dad actually enjoyed it, but Mei and I had a LOT of fun doing it. Thus was born the tradition of performances on our parents' birthdays and Christmas. One year, we took a bunch of my dad's favorite songs, wrote a medley version for piano and guitar/violin, and changed the lyrics so that they were about him. Another year, my dad, sister, and I performed a skit about my mom--my dad played the roles of my sister and me, my sister played my dad, and I played my mom. My mom still says that skit is one of her all-time favorite memories.
But eventually, this got old. It was so much fun, but a) I ran out of ideas (the only thing left was to do a musical, and that was WAY too complicated...), b) I left for college and only came home a few days before Christmas, and c) I ended up being the only one who did most of the work...my sister lounged around and goofed off while I wracked my brain over various lyrics or lines or melodies. It started feeling like an obligation. So we stopped doing performances and just gave normal presents, but still made every effort to keep everything a secret. On Christmas morning we'd still be surprised by what we found under the tree, and in the days leading up to Christmas, we'd still be inwardly smiling, excited to see the looks on the others' faces when they saw what we'd gotten them.
Now, we have evolved to the most practical form of gift-giving. A couple weeks before Christmas, we make public announcements of the items we want. Then, we decide who will get what for whom. This year, my dad wants a baseball cap that he can fit in his pocket. My mom wants a coffee machine. I want a NY Times crossword calendar, and my sister wants the Harry Potter 7 DVD (Part 2). We decided that, since everyone only wants one thing, we'd each receive only one collective present from the family this year. I felt like this was too boring, so I said each person could opt for a "surprise" present if they wanted. Then, my mom piped up that actually, she already bought herself the coffee machine, so we don't need to get her anything at all.
On practical terms, until you're financially independent, you and your family basically share your money in one big pool, and getting your parents a gift is sort of the monetary equivalent of them buying themselves a gift. And, as Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory puts it, when you give someone a present, you are also giving an obligation. The receiver of the present then has to reciprocate with a present to you, and thus ensues a tiresome and stressful exchange until one party dies, leaving the other party one present richer. So, instead of this tiresome business of buying presents and keeping secrets, why don't we just each go out and get something we want for ourselves, for Christmas? Apparently, that is exactly what people in China do--they don't celebrate Christmas, probably don't even know what Christmas is really about, but they do have a holiday season, which they celebrate by shopping...not for one another, but for themselves.
I can't really say that this sort of practicality is greedy, nor can I say I'm sad that my family has become steadily less creative...from Rudolph paw prints to self-bought coffee machines, from home-made songs and skits to requested gifts we know we'll receive. I mean, I do miss the good old days, and I miss exercising my creative juices and seeing the surprised delight on my family's faces. But the good thing is, we evolved together; doing a puppet show or forging a note from Santa would just seem silly and forced for all of us, now. I imagine the great thing about being parents is being able to "grow up" all over again, with your kids. I think my parents had a great and giddy time doing all those fun things with my sister and me when we were young...and now we're all growing up, my sister and I for the first time, and my parents for a second time. Maybe we'll go through the cycle again when there's a new generation. Meanwhile, I'm eagerly awaiting a predictable but equally satisfying Christmas, and just as thankful as usual to be with my family for the holidays, celebrating the birth of Christ together. :)
When my sister became a fifth grader, I figured she was too old to believe in Santa. It was for her own good, otherwise she might be teased at school. Besides, the previous year, I'd sort of messed things up...being way too excited about a new stereo we'd bought for her present from Santa, I made a mad dash for the living room while carrying the gigantic wrapped gift. It was so big that it obstructed my vision, and just as she glanced over from the next room, I accidentally ran into a wall and fell over. The next day she still acted surprised and overjoyed when she unwrapped the stereo...but I'm pretty sure she'd figured things out by then.
Then came the time of creative family gifts. I'm not sure how it started, but my sister and I started making a big deal out of our parents' birthdays. The first big surprise was probably when I gave my mom a giant birthday card one year. It was at least half her height and took me several days to make. For my dad's birthday, my sister had the idea of doing a puppet show. We made hand puppets out of paper bags, one puppet representing each member of the family, and we wrote a skit of daily scenes from our lives that highlighted my dad's idiosyncrasies and funny moments. Then we "performed" the puppet show for him on his birthday, from behind the couch of the living room. I don't know if my dad actually enjoyed it, but Mei and I had a LOT of fun doing it. Thus was born the tradition of performances on our parents' birthdays and Christmas. One year, we took a bunch of my dad's favorite songs, wrote a medley version for piano and guitar/violin, and changed the lyrics so that they were about him. Another year, my dad, sister, and I performed a skit about my mom--my dad played the roles of my sister and me, my sister played my dad, and I played my mom. My mom still says that skit is one of her all-time favorite memories.
But eventually, this got old. It was so much fun, but a) I ran out of ideas (the only thing left was to do a musical, and that was WAY too complicated...), b) I left for college and only came home a few days before Christmas, and c) I ended up being the only one who did most of the work...my sister lounged around and goofed off while I wracked my brain over various lyrics or lines or melodies. It started feeling like an obligation. So we stopped doing performances and just gave normal presents, but still made every effort to keep everything a secret. On Christmas morning we'd still be surprised by what we found under the tree, and in the days leading up to Christmas, we'd still be inwardly smiling, excited to see the looks on the others' faces when they saw what we'd gotten them.
Now, we have evolved to the most practical form of gift-giving. A couple weeks before Christmas, we make public announcements of the items we want. Then, we decide who will get what for whom. This year, my dad wants a baseball cap that he can fit in his pocket. My mom wants a coffee machine. I want a NY Times crossword calendar, and my sister wants the Harry Potter 7 DVD (Part 2). We decided that, since everyone only wants one thing, we'd each receive only one collective present from the family this year. I felt like this was too boring, so I said each person could opt for a "surprise" present if they wanted. Then, my mom piped up that actually, she already bought herself the coffee machine, so we don't need to get her anything at all.
On practical terms, until you're financially independent, you and your family basically share your money in one big pool, and getting your parents a gift is sort of the monetary equivalent of them buying themselves a gift. And, as Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory puts it, when you give someone a present, you are also giving an obligation. The receiver of the present then has to reciprocate with a present to you, and thus ensues a tiresome and stressful exchange until one party dies, leaving the other party one present richer. So, instead of this tiresome business of buying presents and keeping secrets, why don't we just each go out and get something we want for ourselves, for Christmas? Apparently, that is exactly what people in China do--they don't celebrate Christmas, probably don't even know what Christmas is really about, but they do have a holiday season, which they celebrate by shopping...not for one another, but for themselves.
I can't really say that this sort of practicality is greedy, nor can I say I'm sad that my family has become steadily less creative...from Rudolph paw prints to self-bought coffee machines, from home-made songs and skits to requested gifts we know we'll receive. I mean, I do miss the good old days, and I miss exercising my creative juices and seeing the surprised delight on my family's faces. But the good thing is, we evolved together; doing a puppet show or forging a note from Santa would just seem silly and forced for all of us, now. I imagine the great thing about being parents is being able to "grow up" all over again, with your kids. I think my parents had a great and giddy time doing all those fun things with my sister and me when we were young...and now we're all growing up, my sister and I for the first time, and my parents for a second time. Maybe we'll go through the cycle again when there's a new generation. Meanwhile, I'm eagerly awaiting a predictable but equally satisfying Christmas, and just as thankful as usual to be with my family for the holidays, celebrating the birth of Christ together. :)
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Atlas Shrugged
It took me about 6 months, but I finally finished this 1069-page monster. Parts of it completely confused me, parts of it got me all riled up and angry at the world, parts of it made me grumpy and irritated at the author...but overall, I'm glad I read it. Even though this book is largely about industry, business, and self-promotion, I realized that most of my favorite quotes are the parts about love. Ayn Rand believes in valuing one's own mind and best interests above all else, and she uses these thousand-and-so pages to basically dismiss and spit on popular "morals," like sacrificing oneself for the greater good and spreading the wealth. I disagree with her on most things, but there's no doubt she put a LOT of thought and passion into her ethics, and I respect her for that. She also managed to create an interesting, even slightly touching plot to go with what essentially is a long-winded treatise of her philosophy (...more than I can say for Nietzsche). Anyway, here are my favorite parts:
"Are you saying," he asked slowly, "that I rose in your estimation when you found that I wanted you?"
"Of course."
"That's not the reaction of most people of being wanted."
"It isn't."
"Most people feel that they rise in their own eyes, if others want them."
"I feel that others live up to me, if they want me. And that is the way you feel, too, Hank, about yourself--whether you admit it or not."
"You still love me--even if there's one expression of it that you'll always feel and want, but will not give me any longer. I'm still what I was, and you'll always see it, and you'll always grant me the same response, even if there's a greater one that you grant to another man. No matter what you feel for him, it will not change what you feel for me, and it won't be treason to either, because it comes from the same root, it's the same payment in answer to the same values. No matter what happens in the future, we'll always be what we were to each other, you and I, because you'll always love me."
"People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I've learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one's reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one's master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person's view requires to be faked. And if one gains the immediate purpose of the lie--the price one pays is the destruction of that which the gain was intended to serve. The man who lies to the world, is the world's slave from then on."
If you don't know, the thing to do is not to get scared, but to learn...
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Editing
The art of editing is observing someone's creation, whether it be an article or story or research paper, finding the essential grains of his ideas, and arranging the words around it so that these ideas can shine clearly and brightly.Your job isn't to create new ideas, but to mold existing ideas, to make them as presentable and appealing as possible.
I used to want to be an editor. In fact, I vividly remember coming home one day when I was in second grade and telling my mom that when I grow up, I wanted to be the head of a publishing company. This seems like a pretty random dream for a seven-year-old...I think what happened was that I opened one of my books to the page that has all the copyright information, found the "c" with a circle around it to be very impressive and official-looking, and decided that being an author might be too much work, but being the person who publishes the author's book sounded fun. My mom got all excited and found me a writing tutor (who incidentally became one of my closest adult friends to this day). The editor dream didn't pan out, but throughout high school, I edited friends' papers for school, practice essays for SAT's, and application essays for college. Even now as a music student, I help out various faithful friends with their med school or grad school applications. Doing a successful edit gives me a tingle and rush, the same feeling I get when playing a fifth on the violin in tune so it rings, or getting full scores on consecutive rounds of Text Twist.
I realized today that editing actually resembles the aspects of music that I love the most. If you know me well, you'll know that I LOVE playing second violin in quartets. I don't know when this began, but it certainly wasn't (and isn't) because the second violin part is "easier." It's because often times, the second violin's job is to make the first violin sound good. It's actually quite a difficult task, because you have to match the first violinist, whoever he/she is, whatever kind of a person he/she is, and whatever types of tendencies he/she has, regardless of your own tendencies and style. You have to be a chameleon, and you have to be more interested in everyone else's parts as a whole than in your own part. The worst second violinists are the ones that are always looking for spots where they can shine. (On the other hand, the second-worst second violinists are the ones that are scared of the spots they're supposed to shine.) You have to be a chameleon in that you are good at supporting the players around you, but when the time comes to step up and carry the melody, you do it effortlessly and with ample presence. Most of my favorite chamber music (and music in general) moments have been playing second violin. It's my niche, where I feel confident I can do a satisfactory job.
If you know me well, you'll also know that I love playing in orchestra, maybe more than any other musical activity...but I do NOT like being the leader. I either like being in the last stand or being in a secondary role, like second chair or principal second. Being concertmaster is okay, as long as there is a conductor. (Last year when I was in a conductor-less ensemble, I absolutely hated being concertmaster...it was like being conductor, and that is the last thing I want or could do.) Some musicians find being in an orchestra constraining, because very rarely do you get the license to express your own personal interpretation. Most of the time, you're expressing whatever ideas the conductor has. Your job is to make his/her vision come true, rather than your own. I can see how this may be frustrating for some, but usually, I love it. I love the task of interpreting someone else's idea and finding a way to communicate it effectively to an audience. In a way, playing second violin, playing in orchestra, and playing music in general is like editing. You take someone else's idea, whether it's a writer or a composer or a conductor or a fellow colleague, and you see the good in it...you see the brilliance and originality and reason behind it, and you understand/respect it. Then, you use your own resources and inject your own personality, not in making it your own, but in translating it to a broader audience. It's a tough job--if done well, you might not get the credit, and if done badly, you may often get the blame. But the world needs editors, messengers, liaisons, translators...because, as great as it is to have geniuses with revolutionary ideas, they can't do it on their own. Most of the time, ideas need a push in the right direction, molding by the right hands into something accessible and beautiful and admirable.
I'm not a creative person...I don't usually come up with great ideas, but I can happily make someone else's great ideas even greater. :)
I used to want to be an editor. In fact, I vividly remember coming home one day when I was in second grade and telling my mom that when I grow up, I wanted to be the head of a publishing company. This seems like a pretty random dream for a seven-year-old...I think what happened was that I opened one of my books to the page that has all the copyright information, found the "c" with a circle around it to be very impressive and official-looking, and decided that being an author might be too much work, but being the person who publishes the author's book sounded fun. My mom got all excited and found me a writing tutor (who incidentally became one of my closest adult friends to this day). The editor dream didn't pan out, but throughout high school, I edited friends' papers for school, practice essays for SAT's, and application essays for college. Even now as a music student, I help out various faithful friends with their med school or grad school applications. Doing a successful edit gives me a tingle and rush, the same feeling I get when playing a fifth on the violin in tune so it rings, or getting full scores on consecutive rounds of Text Twist.
I realized today that editing actually resembles the aspects of music that I love the most. If you know me well, you'll know that I LOVE playing second violin in quartets. I don't know when this began, but it certainly wasn't (and isn't) because the second violin part is "easier." It's because often times, the second violin's job is to make the first violin sound good. It's actually quite a difficult task, because you have to match the first violinist, whoever he/she is, whatever kind of a person he/she is, and whatever types of tendencies he/she has, regardless of your own tendencies and style. You have to be a chameleon, and you have to be more interested in everyone else's parts as a whole than in your own part. The worst second violinists are the ones that are always looking for spots where they can shine. (On the other hand, the second-worst second violinists are the ones that are scared of the spots they're supposed to shine.) You have to be a chameleon in that you are good at supporting the players around you, but when the time comes to step up and carry the melody, you do it effortlessly and with ample presence. Most of my favorite chamber music (and music in general) moments have been playing second violin. It's my niche, where I feel confident I can do a satisfactory job.
If you know me well, you'll also know that I love playing in orchestra, maybe more than any other musical activity...but I do NOT like being the leader. I either like being in the last stand or being in a secondary role, like second chair or principal second. Being concertmaster is okay, as long as there is a conductor. (Last year when I was in a conductor-less ensemble, I absolutely hated being concertmaster...it was like being conductor, and that is the last thing I want or could do.) Some musicians find being in an orchestra constraining, because very rarely do you get the license to express your own personal interpretation. Most of the time, you're expressing whatever ideas the conductor has. Your job is to make his/her vision come true, rather than your own. I can see how this may be frustrating for some, but usually, I love it. I love the task of interpreting someone else's idea and finding a way to communicate it effectively to an audience. In a way, playing second violin, playing in orchestra, and playing music in general is like editing. You take someone else's idea, whether it's a writer or a composer or a conductor or a fellow colleague, and you see the good in it...you see the brilliance and originality and reason behind it, and you understand/respect it. Then, you use your own resources and inject your own personality, not in making it your own, but in translating it to a broader audience. It's a tough job--if done well, you might not get the credit, and if done badly, you may often get the blame. But the world needs editors, messengers, liaisons, translators...because, as great as it is to have geniuses with revolutionary ideas, they can't do it on their own. Most of the time, ideas need a push in the right direction, molding by the right hands into something accessible and beautiful and admirable.
I'm not a creative person...I don't usually come up with great ideas, but I can happily make someone else's great ideas even greater. :)
Monday, November 26, 2012
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