An Ode to Second Homes

The floor of the bathroom at Sara's place is, for some reason, about 1 1/2 inches higher than the rest of the apartment. Once upon a time, I used to trip and stub my toe on that stupid elevation every time, but this past week staying at her house, it didn't bother me at all. I didn't even notice it until someone who came over pointed it out, and I thought, "Wow, I've really grown into this place." It's like the moment you start thinking in a new language you've been trying to learn, or the moment you're able to drive to a previously unfamiliar location without thinking. There's the little click of a light bulb in your head that tells you, "Hey, you know this!"
We were calculating, and I believe it's seven times that I've stayed at Sara's place...around twice a year since we met in 2006. A little less when we were in high school, and a little more when we entered college. I love everything about her apartment, from the Charmin' toilet paper and Puffs tissues that always feel so good, to the fluffy purple blankets and row of stuffed animals on the bed, to the box of Maple Syrup Quaker's oatmeal Sara always has waiting in the pantry for me to eat. There's the blue sofa with the footrest that I always sit on, and the leather brown swivel chair that Sara always sits on when we watch TV. There's the closet where I hang my coat, the teddy bear I hug when we sleep, and the bluish-purple bath towel I use after showers. I've learned to close the toilet seat cover after using the bathroom, I know which exact drawer the nail clipper I constantly have to borrow is in, and I've finally figured out the complicated 3-lock routine on the door.
To be honest, I feel more comfortable at Sara's apartment than at my own in Boston. Maybe it's because of the hardwood floors (which I really appreciate and prefer over carpet), the big queen-sized bed (I LOVE big beds), or the TV and microwave (which I tell myself I don't need, but...I really do miss them). Maybe it's because I've known her place longer, and because it's in the PERFECT location--a newly-opened Trader Joe's, Ann Taylor Loft, Gray's Papaya, subway station, and Westside Diner all within a block away, and the Met/Carnegie Hall just five minutes away. Or maybe it's because of that dumb centipede that keeps popping up and scaring the living daylights out of me in Boston.
But I know that mostly, it's because of Sara. Like the fact that we can either stay up past 3am talking our heads off and laughing hysterically, or go straight to bed at 11pm and pass out without saying more than, "Shall we sleep?" "Yes. Good night!" When we're eating, we can stare at the TV and not talk at all, or we can discuss something really important/meaningful, and either way is fine. We'll take turns doing the dishes, cleaning up when there are guests, and she can always tell when I'm hungry and want to eat something in particular...she prepares food for me and listens to me practice, and despite her adamant insistences that she does not want kids or a husband, I just know she'd make a great mom.
I love my California home most of all, but as for second homes, I am so lucky as to have one of the best. :)

*** When we were getting in bed-
Sara: (looking for her stuffed animals) Where is everybody?

While I was practicing in the bedroom, which is adjacent to the bathroom-
Sara: Sorry, I have to poop.
Me: Oh okay, do you want me to move to the other room?
Sara: No, you can stay here. Geez Jennifer, it's not going to be that intense.

HAHAHA You see how awesome she is??

Two Vows

After taking a 5-hour bus ride to New York and a 5 1/2-hour bus ride back to Boston this past week, I firmly vow the following 2 things for the rest of my life:

1) If I ever have to take a young child on public transportation lasting more than 30 minutes, I will spend at least a week in advance training him/her to be quiet instantly upon my command. This is not just for my own sanity, but for the sanity of THOSE AROUND ME.

2) No matter what the circumstance, I will never ever participate in full-frontal PDA in crowded areas, especially airport terminals or train stations. I mean, congratulations on your successful relationship and great enthusiasm/passion, but come on...kissing for multiple seconds? With tongue? While everyone around you is trying to navigate around you and get home? In the words of the little boy sitting in front of me at the Mary Poppins Broadway show when Mr. and Mrs. Banks are about to kiss: Ew.

Anyway, time for some sweet potato soup, and then off to catch up on practicing. More later.

Friends

When A was visiting a few weeks ago, she looked through my Japan pictures from the past summer and told me, "You look so happy." Thinking back, I was a lot happier during the summer than I am now. I can barely remember what it feels like to be so carefree and live with almost no worries. Of course there were little concerns, like "I hope our concert goes well," or "We have to wake up by 7am tomorrow," but they didn't bother me much. And anxieties about the coming school year were WAY in the back of my mind. I miss that freedom...

Another thing I've been thinking about is, something happens when you have a select group of people that have been your closest friends for a long time. Especially if you're an introvert and have a very small number of people with whom you can legitimately open up...you start assigning roles to them. At least, I do. I go to Person A when I want to talk about what I did every day, like what I ate, where I went, something funny that happened in class, whatever. I go to Person B when I'm stressed about music, I go to Person C when I feel philosophical/intelligent (a rarity), Person D for family problems, Person E for relationship advice...etc. It became this way because when I have a conundrum, I need someone who a) is truly interested, b) won't judge me, and c) understands how I feel. A few weeks ago, I had a rough night and wanted/needed to talk it out. For the first time in my life, there was not one friend in whom I could confide. It's not that there was nobody trustworthy...that definitely wasn't the problem. It was that there was nobody who satisfied all three categories (interested, unbiased, and understanding). So I ended up calling two teachers, and then my parents, who are always always there for me.

I am SO lucky in that I can confidently name five people in this world who are not related to me but who will ALWAYS be willing to sit down, listen to whatever I have to say, and care about it. This is a huge blessing already. But sometimes, an attentive ear isn't enough...

Anyway, it's as if each person has their "assignment," and the question is, what happens when there is nothing to talk about within someone's realm of conversation? It's not like we COULDN'T talk about regular old things--these are first-tier friends I'm referring to. But the facts are: they are not in Boston, we're busy people, and our lives are sort of irrelevant...it's simply not practical to call someone just to tell them what I ate for lunch that day or something. On the one hand, it's wonderful to have people (who are not family) you can go to for specific problems/happenings. But when it comes down to plain old companionship, you can't reach out to your old friends who live thousands of miles away. You need people who are right here with you...and the thing about being an introvert is, it's rare/difficult enough to find people with whom you feel comfortable, whether or not their lives are in close conjunction with yours.

I feel like there are two general types of friends--indispensable and convenience friends. Indispensable friends are the ones you need...you see something in a store and just have to buy it for them, you go through a hard time and just have to hear their voice telling you it's okay. Convenience friends are always around, people you can go places with and have a good time. You might miss them as a group, but  less often will you miss them as individuals. Both types of friends are great, but I know which I gravitate toward.

What's scary is when you start falling out of touch with indispensable friends. I've been feeling that lately, because my daily life is centered so exclusively around music these days. As D said, what do you talk about when the only meaningful thing you did all day was practice? Are people going to be interested in discussing that? Uh, no. As a result, it's been an abnormally long time since I've talked to certain people, non-musicians in particular. Our lives move in different directions...and this is the point at which seemingly indestructible friendships may start to fade.

Fortunately, there are some people where it doesn't matter how long it's been, how much you differ, how far apart you live...when you come back to each other, it's just like old times. Some things never change. Which brings me to one of my favorite beliefs--that love is irrelevant to time spent together. It doesn't matter how often you talk or see each other, how much you relate--the love increases regardless.

I guess the point I've reached after this whole drawn-out ramble is, no matter how you view and deal with your friendships, recognize the ones that are indispensable, give them what they deserve, and trust in them...if they're real, they will last.

CENTIPEDE

NOOOOO...ANOTHER CENTIPEDE SIGHTING.
I was pounding a bag of frozen spinach on the counter to split it into smaller chunks when a big brown centipede scurried hurriedly across the stove behind the refrigerator. I think it's still there...I'm borrowing bug spray from a friend tomorrow morning, but ugh, it's going to be a long night. At least, unlike the first centipede sighting, I managed not to burst into tears. Sigh. :( It's times like these where I really miss my crazy mom, who would have no problem squishing the bug with her bare hand.


[11/18/2010 11:27:26 PM] Sefen.Hsu: don't think about it, just keep some good thought when you go to sleep, it will be fine
[11/18/2010 11:29:11 PM] jenniferwey: :( :( ok
[11/18/2010 11:30:06 PM] Sefen.Hsu: remember the song, 'my favorite things' in sound of music...  you can try that too

[11/18/2010 11:32:48 PM] jenniferwey: it moved so fast

[11/18/2010 11:33:08 PM] Sefen.Hsu: I think it is scared of you too
[11/18/2010 11:33:27 PM] jenniferwey: :( sigh
[11/18/2010 11:33:52 PM] Sefen.Hsu: it might run away
[11/18/2010 11:34:07 PM] Sefen.Hsu: out of your room!!

Please please...let it run away..........