There's friendship, and then there's intimacy. Until now, I never made a distinction between the two, but now I realize it is possible for one to exist without the other. To me, friendships are never stagnant...they are either growing or diminishing, and while growth should feel natural and genuinely easy, it also takes action. As time passes, friendships come and go. It's a cycle, and while a change can be initially upsetting or disappointing, you should trust that ultimately, it will be justified.
That being said, intimacy is maybe a whole other issue. Friendships fluctuate, but true intimacy does not easily disintegrate. Unlike friendship, intimacy can be stagnant, but I don't mean "stagnant" as in immobile, but rather, immovable--rooted and steadfast.
As I grow older, I notice various people edging slowly out of my life. Friend A, with whom I used to talk every day is now someone I see once or twice a year. Friend B comes along and fills the shoes of he who left. Whether the leaving is intentional or not is beyond the point. We all have excuses--busy lives, diverging paths. What's important is to acknowledge the consequence of these excuses. There comes a point when an inactive friendship morphs into a nonexistent one. Friend A, I used to come to you for every problem, big and small, significant and childish. Then when our communication lessened, I narrowed my dependence on you to more specific needs--I came to you with issues that "only you" would understand. And now? I feel like you hang in my life by a thread...Issues that once would have led me directly to you--they don't, anymore. They take a step in your direction, then hesitate and lead me to Friend B instead...because Friend B is usually there, and you are usually not.
But what I notice is that our intimacy is still here. In fact, it's as strong as a rock. I don't tell you things, but I could. I don't share with you every boring detail of my day, from when I wake up (it took me 5 tries to put in my contacts this morning) until I go to bed (re-watched my favorite episode of Big Bang Theory), but I could. I don't call you when I feel like crying or giving up, but I could, and believe me, I want to. Our friendship has changed...and you realize it, too. The rare times I do hear from you, you say, "This incident made me think of you...I want to tell you about it." But then, you don't. Consequently, I don't know about your life...at all. But I could. Would we be very much altered if I did? You don't know my life, but you still know ME better than most people
I can't stay quality friends with someone without a mutual active effort to keep the relationship alive. Eventually, it stops working, no matter how fond two people are of each other. But intimacy lives on.
Friendship and intimacy are not inseparable. It's just such a shame when one exists without the other.
