I remember reading a physics article a long time ago about reverse causality and an experiment some scientists were conducting to examine the "notion that time might flow backward, allowing the future to influence the past." It's a very complex matter, way over my head, but if I look at the theory on a personal level, it;s basically about whether or not people have free will. If reverse causality exists, then our every action is predetermined.
There are countless instances in which I've attempted to trick fate into complying with my desires and hopes. Let's say I'm taking a test and want to get an A. The test comes and goes...either I work hard and feel good, or I don't work hard and probably don't feel good. Then I spend the remaining time before the results come out determinedly telling myself, "You probably didn't get it. Don't expect anything." Partly I do this to prevent myself from possible disappointment; but in a way, I'm also trying to fool destiny into going my way, because things are never supposed to turn out the way you expect, right? Sometimes, this "worked," and sometimes it didn't. After reading the physics article, I realized that these ridiculous routes I take to try and coax fate into my favor are useless, because no matter what sort of path you make--straight, curved, or unnecessarily convoluted, in my case--you'll end up at the same destination.
We just don't know what this destination is yet, so we do the best we can to lead ourselves as close to our ideal goal as possible. I guess therein lies our free will--how to deal with the inevitable story that, in a way, has already been written for us. (Sophie's World?)
I sometimes believe expectations are my biggest weakness. I view expectations like a strategy game, and I am constantly monitoring them to keep myself from jumping to conclusions and ending up disappointed. I try to expect the worst, or expect every possible outcome, so that I'll be prepared for anything. But in the end, I'm an optimist, and my persistent high hopes end up stubbornly shoving their way back into my brain. "Maybe I'll get lucky, it's happened before," or "I deserve it, so it'll probably happen."
I had a specific, slightly silly expectation for this summer. Let's call it Destination A. It should not be a big deal, and I don't even know if I want it to happen or not. I was just pretty sure that it would, and after rationalizing with myself, I decided this assumption was justified. It was one of those times when I tell myself, "This isn't hoping...this is practically factual. Of course it will happen!"
Well, I think I was wrong. You can never make assumptions about the future and call them factual...whether it's something silly like Destination A, or something incredibly significant, like the continuance of your own life...no matter how reasonable it seems.
This is a very scatter-brained post. (You can tell by the small paragraphs.) Maybe I'll edit it into something that makes a slight bit of sense later. Just wanted to get it out.
